Parents pretend to be Childfree when it suits them. My question is, “if the Childfree lifestyle is so bad, why are you trying to be like us?
Episode Highlights:
Parents Cosplaying Childfree: Discover the phenomenon of parents infiltrating childfree spaces and the confusion it sparks within the community.
Content Creators Exploiting Childfree Content: Explore how content creators capitalize on childfree content for profit, leading to frustration among genuine childfree individuals.
Navigating Relationships: Gain insight into the nuances of navigating relationships and societal expectations as a proud member of the childfree community.
Psychological Implications: Learn about the psychological implications of cosplaying parenthood and the importance of authenticity in self-expression.
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——— ep. 015—Timestamps
00:00 Opening Scenario: The Childfree Shirt Dilemma
00:20 Welcome to Unapologetically Childfree
00:47 The Intriguing World of Pretend and Imagination
02:16 Parents Cosplaying as Childfree: A Growing Trend
06:51 The Impact of Pretend Childfree on the Community
10:43 Navigating Trust and Community in the Childfree Space
12:38 The Childfree Lifestyle: Fulfillment and Misunderstandings
14:02 Exploring Life as a Childfree Expat in Portugal
Links:
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Childfree Woman’s Path: Friends not FOMO (My ebook and journal) https://unapologeticallychildfree.com/childfreepath
All the Links: https://unapologeticallychildfree.com/links Unapologetically Childfree!
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Cosplay-REAL
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Maggie: [00:00:00] Tell me what you would do. You post a picture of you or a friend wearing a shirt that says childfree all over it. And then someone who you know is a parent comments and says, Oh my gosh, I love that shirt. I need it for when my kids are with their dad?! Hey, hey. Welcome to Unapologetically Childfree. I'm Maggie Dickens. I'm a licensed therapist and I'm your childfree hype woman here to help you find that childfree community that you never knew existed and can no longer live without. Today we're talking about how amazing the childfree community is.
So much so that parents like to dress up, pretend and cosplay their way into the childfree space.
Oh, you heard me. And we're going to get into exactly what I mean in a little bit. First, let's set the stage. See I loved to play pretend when I was little. In fact, I had imaginary friends much longer than all of my other friends my age. And I loved to play dress up, and I loved to [00:01:00] dress up for the occasion, if you know you know.
I am all for pushing ourselves outside of our comfort zones, learning new cultures and lifestyles that we aren't a part of and that we didn't choose. Because this helps us be more rounded humans.
Maggie: But the thing is, is I only imagine and play pretend in lifestyles that I want to have. Lifestyles that are attractive. Lifestyles that maybe I'd trade places for. And that could be as a kid playing bride or imagining myself marrying Taylor Hanson Or in college when I pretended that I could be a rock star by hanging out with them. Things like being a socialite and going out dressed to the nines on a budget free evening with my girlfriends, just on a random Tuesday,
or when I'm scrolling Pinterest and looking at beautiful pastries and cakes and saying, sure, "I can do that." Spoiler alert. I cannot do [00:02:00] that.
See, the thing about pretend and imagination land that makes it so fun is because we're trying on all of these different lives that we want, that bring out parts of ourselves that we don't get to acknowledge very often. And this is why I'm thoroughly confused and downright irritated
to see parents pretending to be childfree people.
And I'm sure you've seen it. We all have. The parents who come into the comments of childfree content talking about, "Oh, I remember what it was like to be childfree."
or the group of moms who are going out for a night on the town, as if it's 2005, using the hashtag childfree, even though they spend the bulk of the evening talking about their lives as moms and their children. Yes, hello.
Or the content creators who are wanting to capitalize on the childfree community that is getting bigger and louder [00:03:00] online and using childfree content like the bingos and using hashtags like DINK and SINK in order to amass a following and, AKA, make money.
And it's jarring. It's jarring when we see people who talk about the joys of parenthood coming over into our space and wanting to pretend as if they belong here too.
Because for those of us that have been childfree for quite a while, it feels the same when these people online are coming into our space and then just leaving whatever they want, coming in and leaving, coming in and leaving. It feels the same way as when our friends start having kids and the relationship strains because there's that divide that parents somehow don't see really does impact the relationship.
And it really just shows. But they don't get it.
Just like I have no idea how to fit into the life of a socialite or a pastry chef.
It's also really frustrating. I mean, [00:04:00] sure, it is validating our choices to be childfree and our knowledge that our community and our lifestyle is amazing.
But it's also annoying because it validates the myths and the misconceptions and the misunderstandings that the world has about the childfree community. It underlines this thought, this, this misconception that being childfree is a phase, that it is the time only before you become a parent, that it is simply your partying years, it is simply Oh, you're like everybody else.
You live your life completely the same as everyone else except you don't have kids and all of those things are inaccurate.
And as I'm talking, I'm actually starting to really struggle with understanding how parents can sit on this fence between saying, My purpose is being a parent, and I have the most fulfillment in being a parent, and the best part of my life is being a parent, and also [00:05:00] glorifying and glamorizing the childfree community and the times where they are pretending to be someone who never wanted kids.
And it reminds me of how when someone goes from a pre parent into parenthood, how there's almost this immediate switch where they believe that they have become an expert on adulthood and they have become an expert on how to navigate life. That somehow they have become the most important person in the room, that we need to pay attention to whatever a parent says, because somehow they now have all of this knowledge about adulthood that you can only get by having a child, which As far as I'm aware, children don't come with a manual, so we're all just figuring this !@#$% out on our own, by the way.
And also, this going back and forth, this fence sitting of, I'm sitting here 100 percent I'm a boy mom, I'm a girl mom, [00:06:00] until I'm a childfree mom. Riddle me that one. On the weekend, the weekend away, or the long vacation.
And so we're taking that everyday experience that many of us in the childfree community have either seen firsthand or have seen online. And we compound that with what we're starting to see with content creators who are pre parents. And they are using childfree information, lifestyle, as content for their own channels and their own platforms.
And the social media content creators are, the biggest cosplayers of them all.
So pre parents, people who want to have kids but they haven't had them yet, are online using the childfree community to make money. And I'm starting to see this , more and more. And frankly, I'm quite pissed off about it. And I'm going to talk about two primary examples that have happened recently. I'm not calling anybody out [00:07:00] specifically. Please don't do so in the comments, because it's not about these people in particular.
It's a theme that we're starting to see more and more of. Okay.
And so I'm going to talk about why this is so detrimental to the childfree community.
First there are the content creators who are using the experiences of the childfree. Primarily, childfree bingos that we experience that are frustrating and that are hurtful in order to create comedic and entertaining content.
Maggie: And I am here for it, if you're childfree. Instead, doing this, creating a huge following of childfree people being like, Oh my gosh, yes, that's what it's like with my in laws, or, Oh man, I remember having to have that conversation or, Ugh, no one really gets it, this is exactly what it is.
Right, creating that relationship of you get it, you get me. And then they put out a pregnancy announcement. And here they go, off out of the childfree community, leaving us in the same way that our [00:08:00] friends previously would leave the friendship when they would have kids.
And they're leaving after creating a massive platform of childfree people that have helped them with sponsorships and paid content helping their financial bottom line by duping and taking advantage of the childfree community. And another example are those that are a little bit less brazen than that first example.
And this is the example of a couple or an individual who are using hashtags that aren't explicitly childfree, however they're part of our community. Things like DINK and SINK. And creating that same platform, that same relationship with childfree people by normalizing, hey, this is what a childfree, double income, no kids Couple does on a weekend or a random Thursday.
And it just feels so nice to not have that infantilization or that perpetual [00:09:00] party myth continuing out there on the internet. It's like, yeah. We sit and we watch TV. We make tacos. Absolutely, that's what the childfree lifestyle can look like as well. And so, there's this massive following that leads to paid advertisements and sponsorships and the financial bottom line being increased because the childfree community is saying, Yes, we are here to support you.
And then, oh, by the way, One of the things that you're doing in your double income, no kid life, is taking prenatal vitamins, just in case.
And these are blows to the community. They're blows because these are massive platforms that are continuing to perpetuate the, you'll change your mind. Child free is simply the time before you become a parent. It's also showing that the world is listening, the world is seeing us.
They are knowing that we're no longer going to be quiet in the way that we have in decades and centuries [00:10:00] past. They know that we are here to find community and to just find a small space in the world. Because we are a very small minority. The world is watching and they're wanting to make money off of us instead of wanting to understand us and support us and stepping back and giving truly childfree people the space to have their voice heard.
But instead, they come into our community, they take advantage of us,
and then they leave. When they're ready to change their outfit, back into
the pre parent that they always were.
And as a licensed therapist who focuses a lot on relationships, there are so many nuanced pieces here that just, oh, oh, it just gets me. Because I know for those that haven't been in the childfree community as long as I have, who haven't been working on building their own childfree community as long as I have, they may not have this foundation to go, F that.
I'm out. Just. And walk away. [00:11:00] Instead, it can feel like a personal loss. It can be something that says, man, we really don't have a place, do we? Oh, man, maybe it is just me who isn't going to change their mind, who really doesn't want to have kids.
It also makes it harder for people who are searching for a childfree community to trust that when someone is showing up, someone like me, let's say, who's saying, Hey, I'm childfree by choice. I have known this for almost effing ever, and I'm here. Let's be friends. How do they know that I'm telling the truth when these bigger names seemed equally as trustworthy and they were just pretending.
And this is why the whole unapologetically childfree community exists, because I don't think it should just be about one person. It shouldn't just be about me. It's about learning how to find your people. It's about knowing that there are millions of childfree people [00:12:00] who are not going to be lost to parenthood, who really do want to cultivate relationships with other people who don't have kids, who don't want kids, and aren't ever going to have kids.
And yeah, we can all admit that parents want the best of both worlds,
And that they struggle to know that once you're a parent, you're always a parent. And even in that pre parent space, you're planning your life for kids, financially, and relationally. That's never crossed my mind never ever, ever. I've always planned, how do I prepare to not have one?
So that's a major difference between being somebody who simply doesn't have kids and somebody who is childfree.
We also know that us in the childfree community, we know how amazing this lifestyle is. We know this not only because we're living it, but we also see the anonymous regretful parent posts.
We also see parents in our comments talking about, Oh man, I may have made another choice if I had even thought about it, but I just assumed [00:13:00] I would always be a parent. And that is also a massively major difference between parents and the childfree because the parents. We'll want to spend a night, a weekend, a week, pretending to be childfree.
And you will never see a childfree person pretending that they're a parent.
We aren't wishing or longing to just know what that experience is just for an hour or a moment. Because we created the life that we wanted, that we knew was best for us.
It is completely fulfilling and being a parent is simply unattractive.
And so when I see this imagination land behavior from parents, it validates my decision to be childfree.
Because below the hurt and the anger that I have for watching the childfree community being taken advantage of and continually misunderstood,
I know that you don't dress up in a world and pretend to be a part of a community that [00:14:00] you don't want to be a part of, just a little bit.
Which leads us now to our last segment where we talk a little bit about my life as a childfree expat here in Portugal, and let's talk a little bit about travel slash vacationing. I think those things are different, don't you? When we are traveling and vacationing in another place, specifically traveling, This is a time where we are in full on imagination land, going and traveling to a new place, trying different foods, exploring the culture.
On some level our brains are going, what would it be like to live here? What would it be like to join me at the quiosque and work or just have a beverage looking over the river? And so I encourage everyone to allow yourself to play pretend in all of the ways that you possibly can to tickle all of the different parts of you and allow yourself to grow and round out as a human. I would say hold off on coming to Portugal because lately all [00:15:00] we've had is high pollen, Saharan sand, and rain for the last three weeks.
Hopefully spring and summer are around the corner though.
. And fingers crossed that in two weeks during the unapologetically childfree getaway in Mexico that we have amazing weather that I've always had when I've been in Mexico and that we get to just lavish in the playing pretend imagination land of private chefs, condos on the beach, And no responsibilities for a week.
And if you want to know more about these getaways, jump on my email list to find out more. And until next time, tchau, y'all.