Childfree vs Childless. DINK & SINK. What do these terms mean? Why do we use them in the Childfree Community? Hosted by Maggie Dickens creator of the in-person and virtual Unapologetically Childfree Community, Licensed Therapist, and your childfree-hype woman.
Episode Highlights:Â
*We'll navigate through the distinctions between 'Childless' and 'Childfree' while discussing the importance of self-identification and reclaiming our narratives. *
Discover the nuances between 'Childfree by Choice' and 'Childfree by Circumstance' and gain insights into the diverse experiences within our community.Â
*Explore familiar acronyms like DINK and SINK, as well as lesser-known terms like TTC and Empty Nesters, unraveling the complexities of modern lifestyles.Â
*Journey with me as I share personal anecdotes about embracing the childfree lifestyle in Portugal, offering a glimpse into the joys and occasional complexities of living life on your own terms.Â
***BONUS! I’m inviting you to join the conversation and celebrate the diverse identities within the Unapologetically Childfree Community at our FREE social Hour March 1st, 2024 @ 9pm Lisbon time. Register free: https://unapologeticallychildfree.com/registerfreeÂ
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ep. 012—TimestampsÂ
00:00 Introduction to Childfree TerminologyÂ
00:25 Understanding the Difference Between Childless and ChildfreeÂ
01:01 The Importance of Identifying as ChildfreeÂ
02:27 Exploring the Terms: Childfree and ChildlessÂ
04:18 The Significance of 'By Choice' and 'By Circumstance'Â
07:46 Understanding DINK and SINKÂ
08:43 Other Important Terms: TTC, Empty Nesters, Step Parents, and Pre-ParentsÂ
10:34 The Importance of Differentiating Childfree and Pre-ParentingÂ
14:09 Living the Childfree Lifestyle in PortugalÂ
15:59 Conclusion: Embracing the Childfree CommunityÂ
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Mark your calendar for our upcoming free social hour on March 1st, 2024, and connect with fellow childfree people. https://unapologeticallychildfree.com/registerfreeÂ
Meetups: https://unapologeticallychildfree.com/meetupÂ
Instagram: https://unapologeticallychildfree.com/instagramÂ
All the Links: https://unapologeticallychildfree.com/linksÂ
Join my email list for additional Childfree Content: https://unapologeticallychildfree.com/emaillistÂ
Childfree Woman’s Path: Friends, not FOMO (My ebook and journal) https://unapologeticallychildfree.com/childfreepath
 ———Â
Unapologetically Childfree!Â
Hey there, Maggie Dickens here, thrilled you’re part of the Unapologetically Childfree Community– your go-to spot for finding the childfree community you never knew existed and can no longer live without. We cover all things childfree, where we share laughs, explore, and embrace life without kids and without apologies.Â
Our Vibe: Imagine a cozy chat with a friend who gets the childfree lifestyle – that's our channel. From breaking stereotypes to sharing hilarious experiences, we're a community celebrating life without kids.Â
This isn't just a podcast; it's a place for friends. Our guests are our friends, mentors, authors, experts, and listeners. Real people, real stories, and real talk about choosing a childfree life. Get ready for inspiration, camaraderie, and a few "aha" moments.Â
Why Subscribe? Whether proudly childfree, considering the lifestyle, or curious, we've got something for you. Expect laughs, empowerment, and genuine stories from real people navigating life without kids.Â
Important Notice:Â
Please Read This Is Not Therapy: - Although I'm a therapist, this channel is NOT a substitute for mental health care or therapy. The content provided is for educational and entertainment purposes only.Â
Your Well-being Matters: - Your mental and physical health are top priorities. If you're in crisis, please reach out to local emergency services or a mental health helpline immediately.Â
Disclaimer: This description was created in collaboration between me and AI.
[00:00:00] Maggie: Are you a DINK? Childfree? SINK? Childless? Wait, which one is it?
[00:00:04] Hey, hey, welcome to Unapologetically Childfree, where you find that childfree community. That you never knew existed, and now you can't live without. Y'all, let's get comfortable because we are talking terms, language, why it's important and how you can find your community by knowing these terms a little bit more.
[00:00:22] ​
[00:00:22] Maggie: So what is the difference between childless and childfree? To me, that's the most important thing we're talking about today, but we're going to cover things like DINK, SINK, TTC, pre-parent, and other terms that you'll see within the childfree community.
[00:00:39] If you don't know me yet, I'm Maggie Dickens. I'm a licensed therapist, but most importantly, I'm your childfree hype woman. And I don't remember where I learned the term childfree, but I remember how it changed my life in 2012 when I typed it into Google and I said,
[00:00:54] Hey Google, find me some childfree friends.
[00:00:57] Oh my gosh it makes me feel so old because I was in graduate school at the [00:01:00] time, anyway,
[00:01:01] That search helped me find my ride or die best childfree friends and it has led me to talking to you today, why it's important to know what is childfree and where do you fit in?
[00:01:13] Because I know that when we're scrolling on Instagram and we come across a reel or a post from a childfree creator and we're resonating with it and we're like, yeah, yeah, that's my life. Oh, I want to follow you. I want to be a part of your world.
[00:01:26] And if you haven't done that already with me, please hit that
[00:01:29] subscribe button, and notification bell, and you'll be a part of this community.
[00:01:32] Back to the conversation. You are vibing with this post and you start to follow this childfree creator. You are unsure, " Do I really fit in?"
[00:01:41] Language helps us find our people a whole lot easier. And I know that many people, even within the childfree community themselves, but especially outside, they don't necessarily understand why there are so many different terms and how it can feel a little bit separating . Many will say, well, why can't we [00:02:00] just have one community for everyone? That exists in a grand scheme, but we also want to find that place where. We know what to expect, and that is what language is really helpful for. That's what these labels, these terms, are really helpful for.
[00:02:16] Is it helps us moderate our expectations, understand who we're meeting, who we're hanging out with, and hopefully, the potential trajectory of that relationship.
[00:02:27] Let's take childfree versus childless, for example.
[00:02:30] Now, these two are often used interchangeably. In fact, here in Europe, I see the term childless to be used for both. Let me know in the comments what you see the most of because I find it to be quite interesting given the movement that we've seen in the last couple of years.
[00:02:45] The first word that we're going to talk about is childfree. And yes, this is the Unapologetically Childfree podcast, YouTube channel, community, Instagram, all of those things. My entire kind of world is using the term childfree. [00:03:00] I specifically call myself childfree by choice.
[00:03:02] We'll talk a little bit more about why I make that differentiation. Childfree is someone who doesn't have kids, has never had kids, doesn't want to have kids in the future, and is loving the heck out of their life without kids.
[00:03:14] They are embracing this childfree lifestyle.
[00:03:17] Now this is different from childless. Childless is meant to talk about those that actively wanted to have kids or passively assumed that they would have kids. And for one reason or another, whether that is medical or the timing never seemed to work out or something like that, they have found themselves without children and without the possibility of children in the future.
[00:03:45] Like I said, these terms are used interchangeably. And one of the reasons why I don't like to interchange these terms is because. I know that there needs to be a space for those that are childless and still going through the grieving process, [00:04:00] still figuring out what their life is going to look like and be like now that the plan for children has changed.
[00:04:07] There's a wonderful community called the Childless Collective. It has been around for a really long time, and I think that space needs to exist as much as I believe the Unapologetically Childfree Community needs to exist.
[00:04:18] Now, to further complicate things, there are terms that we add on the end of both childfree and childless that make it more confusing but I also use them and sometimes think that they're helpful. Let me know what you think. We have by choice, by chance, by circumstance, not by choice./
[00:04:33] All of these are added to the end of both childfree and childless. Think childfree not by choice isn't really an accurate description that I would use. I think things like childless by choice also has this kind of confusing vibe to it. One of the terms that I use a lot, and I even use it to describe myself, is childfree by choice. And I use that because I really want to [00:05:00] be very, very, very clear that I made an active decision when I was 20 that I was never going to have children. In fact, I'm terrified of getting pregnant and all things related to pregnancy. I'll do another video on that at some point when I'm ready to embarrass the heck out of myself. But today is not that day.
[00:05:16] I also use the term childfree by circumstance. The reason is I have some friends within the Unapologetically Childfree Community. That have kind of stumbled into the life of not having kids for a variety of reasons. I have friends that had medical conditions that left them unable to have children. I have friends who always thought that they would have a child and it just never really happened for them. And said, "you know what?
[00:05:46] I don't want to make kids a priority. I love my life the way that it is. "And so in my mind, this is just my little brain, the way that I think about it. And some people may disagree with me. Let me know in the comments, if you do. That when someone moves from [00:06:00] that space of I thought I was going to have kids or even I wanted to have kids into I am so happy that I don't have them and I am embracing this life and I don't want to have kids, I have no desire to have them, that there's almost this transition from childless into childfree.
[00:06:18] I don't think this is necessary and when I think about some of the people who I know who really embrace the term childless and still really have found a way to enjoy their life without kids, I don't want to minimize that experience. The people that I know that fall into that last category would have a baby in a heartbeat at any point if it was an option.
[00:06:42] And so that's where my brain kind of makes that difference is childfree people. Don't want kids. If the stork drops it off, I'm gonna return to sender. And childless is still in the place where they would bring that baby in and enjoy their life as a parent.
[00:06:57] So like I said, adding in that [00:07:00] piece of by chance, By circumstance, not by choice, by choice. All of those things sometimes can help you better understand that person.
[00:07:08] A little bit of a side note. The Unapologetically Childfree community is not necessarily meant for those that are in that process of moving from childless into childfree. However, I really hope that you stick around and that you are able to learn all the different ways that being childfree is fulfilling and is fun and In my opinion, because I'm super, super biased, an amazing way to live and for me, preferable.
[00:07:36] So please stick around. And I even have an Unapologetically Childfree Starter Pack that's free. It will help you in a lot of different ways. Just grab that link in the description.
[00:07:46] We are going to rapid fire through these next terms because they're not as in depth. So there has been a rise of the term DINK and SINK. I remember a commercial that taught [00:08:00] me the word DINK and I don't have a clue what this commercial was for. I can't find it online. Maybe I dreamed it?
[00:08:06] But I did find an article from 1987 that coined the term DINK. Alright, so DINKS. Double income, no kids. And SINK is single income, no kids. A couple can still be single income, no kids. I know that there are some people who have kind of my dream life of being a stay at home dog mom.
[00:08:30] There is also the single income no kids when you are unpartnered.
[00:08:34] Alright, so those four terms, childfree, childless, DINK and SINK are the ones that we use the most to talk about those who do not have children.
[00:08:43] Alright, getting settled in even more on the couch because the next few terms I'm going to talk about. are NOTabout childfree people.
[00:08:48] I think these are important to help us in a couple of ways. One, to better understand where you fit in if you happen to fall into any of these categories. Also sometimes it's helpful [00:09:00] for childfree people to better understand, " this is where someone is at."
[00:09:03] The first one is TTC. Is trying to conceive. So those are people who are actively working on bringing the stork to their house.
[00:09:14] Then we have empty nesters.
[00:09:16] Empty nesters are those that have grown children that don't live with them anymore.
[00:09:21] There's a little bit of debate on whether or not an empty nester is is considered to be childfree.
[00:09:27] I don't think so. Having raised a child to where now they are an adult and they aren't living with you anymore, you're still a parent and with my personal experience with empty nesters, that parent brain isn't something that you can turn off
[00:09:40] simply because the child isn't living with you anymore.
[00:09:43] Which leads me to the next set that I'm going to kind of lump together. We have step parents,
[00:09:49] And partial custody parents. And those parents who leave their kid with a sitter and have night on the town.
[00:09:55] All of these groups ARE parents, they are not childfree and [00:10:00] they're actively raising children. I personally struggle with people who are actively raising children or who have actively raised children getting into the childfree community and saying how much they enjoy being "childfree" for those small brief moments.
[00:10:18] Being childfree is a lifestyle. Being childfree is a choice that I have made. Being childfree isn't something to just try on for a weekend. And I'm going to do a video about this in the future when I can get my thoughts a little bit clearer on it.
[00:10:31] The last term that I'm going to talk to you about is the
[00:10:34] pre-parent. There's two reasons that it's really important to differentiate someone who is childfree and a pre-parent. And the first is you meet someone and you're talking with them and you can vibe with them and you really want to get to know them there's this difficulty that comes when you learn they and their partner are planning to have children in the next couple of years.
[00:10:59] So we [00:11:00] already know, okay, in the next couple of years, more than likely, our friendship is going to dramatically change. So there's this question we ask ourselves, how much effort do I want to put into a relationship that I know may only last a couple of years? And some people are like, they're so cool, I'm going to navigate our way through. . And some people say, hey, it's really not worth my time. So knowing if someone is a pre-parent really helps us making those active decisions on who we bring into our community and who we don't. And the other reason why it's really important to differentiate childfree and pre-parenting is when you look in the comments.
[00:11:31] When you see parents who say, I" was childfree until I was 28 years old and I had my child and it changed my life and I thought I knew what I wanted before I had this kid." I say you were a pre-parent they may not have been actively trying to conceive for 28 years. However, they were not living a childfree lifestyle. And if you don't know exactly what I mean, Stick around my channel for a while and you will see [00:12:00] that there is a lifestyle behind being childfree.
[00:12:03] It isn't simply living the life everybody else is living without children. It is living life on your terms doing so without kids and without apology.
[00:12:13] Again, I know that people say why do we need to know anything about these? I already mentioned: finding your people, understanding your people. It is really helpful if you went through fertility challenges and now you are embracing your life without kids and you are loving this childfree lifestyle.
[00:12:29] It is helpful sometimes to find a pre-parent that moved into childless and is now moving into childfree. That is a wonderful connection that you can make with someone. Another thing is when we're getting feedback from that last grouping where I said, these are not childfree people. They have made a choice to live a different life than the life that we're choosing to make so we don't have to listen to their judgment on our life because we know we made this decision for a reason. We know we are loving the heck out of this life and that we wouldn't change our mind for anything. No matter what they say.
[00:12:58] And as a licensed [00:13:00] therapist, I know it is so important for us to have that confidence and the boundaries within our own self to say, " I'm going to fill my world with the things that light me up, that helped me feel the best in who I am."
[00:13:13] And sometimes that means saying, no, I'm not going to put in the effort to make friends with who I just met who is trying to conceive or is a pre-parent, or I know that I can just brush off any of this quote unquote advice that we're getting from those that are empty nesters and those that were pre-parents for an extended period of time.
[00:13:36] Now before anything gets misconstrued, I also know with my education and my experience that it is important for us to have a diverse life in all ways, including the people that we surround ourselves with. And so I have friends that are parents. I also have friends that I have lost because of Parenthood.
[00:13:56] And so when we know these terms, we can better [00:14:00] understand the expectations within that friendship and how to navigate those becomes easier when we have that greater understanding.
[00:14:09] Speaking of meeting new people, we're going to wrap up talking a little bit about
[00:14:11] my life here in Portugal because y'all have made it abundantly clear that you are on my couch mostly for childfree content, but also you want to hear a little bit about what it's like living over here.
[00:14:20] I wish you were here in person because we're having a free Unapologetically Childfree Meetup . We're doing a picnic in the park. I'm so excited. I'm going to meet new dogs. I'm going to meet new people and having a better understanding of these terms will also help me as I'm getting to know
[00:14:35] all of these new people that I'm meeting in Lisbon,
[00:14:38] and if you are local or you're traveling through, I'll put the link in the description if you want to swing by. Hopefully it is sunny fingers crossed for us, please. And if you can't meet us in person, we are having an Unapologetically Childfree Social Hour, which is also a free event.
[00:14:55] It's going to be on zoom. It is March 1st at 9 p. m. Western European time. [00:15:00] And this is a place where we can get to know each other even better. And I can't wait to see you there.
[00:15:05] All right. All right. Okay. We're talking Portugal. We're doing it. We're doing it. The thing that I wish that y'all are here for is the.
[00:15:12] Number of just events that pop up. I was walking the other day and there was just a DJ setting up , I've seen this in the past where just a pop up DJ and. At night, you can go dance on the street. And I'm like, where's the signage? Where's the marketing?
[00:15:29] How do you know that this is happening? This also was going on with Carnaval because there was a parade that started right outside my house. Like literally I sat in my window. And watched it go by and it was just so fun and so exciting to just have this, this life just kind of thrown in my face and I'm only able to experience these things personally because I chose to be childfree and I am so grateful for every single one of these opportunities.
[00:15:59] All right. Thanks so [00:16:00] much for hanging out with me today and learning about all of these terms and how you can use them to better find your community. Hopefully you can apply that during our social hour on March 1st. And I would really love to know which of these terms resonated with you the most, which terms you were a little bit confused about or that kind of were surprising.
[00:16:19] Drop that in a comment.
[00:16:20] I will get back with you eventually.
[00:16:23] And until next time, tchau y'all.